This month marks the two year anniversary of the death of my mother. Rarely a day goes by that she’s not in my thoughts, but as the two year anniversary grows closer I’m finding that I’m thinking about her much more often each day.

A couple of weeks ago I was channel surfing one night and came across “John Edward: Cross Country”. For those of you that don’t know who he is, he’s a medium. After my grandmother passed away unexpectedly, my mom and I would occasionally watch John Edward together because we found that a sense of peace would come over us concerning the loss of my grandmother – my mother’s mom – after listening to John connect with those that had passed. Watching his shows, my mom and I truly wanted to believe – but having never studied the subject, nor having ever been read, and not knowing anyone that had – I must admit that as much as I wanted to believe I would keep reminding myself that this was a television show … entertainment.

My grief and curiousity got the best of me last week when a co-worker of mine told me about a friend of hers who is a medium. I called her two days ago. And I was read. Not 30 seconds in to the reading, it became very real for me. I told her that I wanted to connect with both my mother and my grandmother. She told me both were present and she wanted to know which one was the short petite woman (my grandmother was 4 foot 11) and which was the one with enourmous bossoms (definitely my mother).

The medium and I spoke for nearly an hour. Many of the things she brought up were dead-on … excuse the pun. I hung up the phone feeling elated, excited and at peace. I wanted to tell everyone, but I can’t. Most people in my family would likely laugh at me if I told them I spoke with a medium. So, for now, it’s my little secret.

I was feeling very happy about my decision to contact a medium because of the sense of peace it brought me about my mother.

It lasted just over 48 hours.

Tonight I went to visit my dad and was informed that he and his girlfriend of six months are engaged to be married. Sigh …. Ouch. On the one hand, I’m very happy for my dad. His girlfriend is absolutely fantastic. I couldn’t have picked a better match. She’s fun, she’s intelligent, she’s in his age range rather than mine, she’s a successfull attorney which means no worries about a gold digger. I could go on. She really is a wonderful, wonderful lady.

But. And I feel so guilty about saying But. But …

But it’s been less than two years since my mom’s death.
But does that really matter?

But they’ve only known each other for six months.
But does that really matter? I mean, they’re not getting any younger so if they know they want to be together, why should they wait?

My husband tells me that I need to support my dad. I DO support my dad but I think that my feelings are hurt that he didn’t discuss this with me beforehand. Not that he needs my permission, he doesn’t. Nor does he need my blessing. But his failure to understand that this union changes our family – of which I am a member – has me a little pissed off. Holidays will never be the same. That’s not a bad thing so long as our family and our traditions don’t get swallowed up by her family and their traditions.

It’s happening this Easter. Whereas we typically have a quiet Easter dinner – just the seven of us – we’re now heading to an Easter brunch at her son’s house with over 30 people that we don’t know. I think I’m sounding more negative than I intend. I really don’t care about Easter and 30 people. I’m actually looking forward to meeting her family, her children and her grandchildren. I’m pretty sure that V will love having so many kids around to play with – so it’s all good.

But don’t mess too much with my family traditions come Thanksgiving or Christmas. My claws will show themselves if that starts to happen. I only pray that if that should happen that I can be calm and collected, rather than a raving bitch that is acting like she’s 13 years old.

Okay, thanks for letting me vent.
Contrary to how this may have read, I really am happy for my dad and I really do adore his girlfriend. Er. Um. I mean fiancé.

It will just take some getting used to.