As I often do on Sunday afternoons, I drove down to see family today. I spent the better part of the day with my Great Aunt Christine, baking bread. She's 92 years old and can no longer see. Other than her sight, she has been in excellent health. It's just been in the last month or so that I've noticed that she has been getting confused – about people, about dates, about events, about memories. It's inevitable, I realize – but sad none the less. She's currently my oldest living relative on my dad's side of the family – my grandmother's sister – and I desperately want to hold on to her as long as I can. I'm praying for many, many more days of bread baking with Auntie Christine.

Baking homemade Lebanese bread and not taking any of it to my dad would be like jumping in a pool and not getting wet. It just can't happen. I arrived at my dad's house – bread in hand – on a mission this afternoon. In just over a month our family will be celebrating something big. It's the 30th year anniversary of our Annual Family Campout. This is the single most memorable event of my childhood. Our entire family and close family friends – over 70 people – attend this event the third weekend of July every single year. My aunt and unlce have graciously hosted this event at their home, which is located in beautiful Loma Mar, year after year.

For the 30th anniversary I thought it would be nice to get them a special gift. Because I'm addicted to family photos and Snapfish, I want to have a set of coffee mugs made with photos from our campout from over the years. I've got my work cut out for me because I don't even know exactly where the old photos are located. I spent nearly three hours at my dad's house tonight looking for them to no avail. I'm not giving up. I'll get on the phone tomorrow and contact my many relatives to get copies of theirs …

My dad's fiance came over and made us dinner tonight – and this is where my lumpy throat comes in. For the first time, I felt uneasy around her tonight. She didn't do or say anything to make me feel this way. It's all me.

I'm afraid of the future, frankly – and going through some of my parents old photos today brought it all to the surface. She and my dad will be combining households sometime within the next year. This means that my family memories – belongings that are special to me because they remind me of my parents, or because my mom collected them, will be going to live with her. That's fine – I truly have no issue with that. But what happens – hopefully many years from now – if my dad happens to pass away before she does? He is older than her (only five years, thank God!), and so the odds are against him outliving her. What happens then? Do I waltz in to her house and take back everything that belonged to him and my family? Wouldn't that be mean? Or, do I wait until she passes away and simply trust that her kids won't steal my family momentos from me? I've met her kids exactly once so far – so I don't yet know them well enough to trust them. But even if I did know them well, I've experienced enough death in my life to know how it changes people. After my maternal grandmother passed away, my aunt (my mom's sister) became a raging bitch and wanted every single thing that my grandmother owned. She didn't want to share a thing with the rest of the family. She went so far as to get in an argument with my mother over a set of wine glasses that belonged to my paternal grandmother and were given to my maternal grandmother from my mother with the understanding that they would one day be given to me. My aunt actually tried to take them – and my aunt's normally a very nice, very mellow woman. But the unexpected death of her mother turned temporarily changed her. Her grief led to her wanting desperately to hold on to every material item that she could possibly grab.

Anyway – I just get a lump in my throat every time I think about it. I did mention something to my dad tonight, and luckily he took it well. I requested that he allow me to come over and document everything that he takes to their new home so that many, many years from now when I have to try to remember what belonged to our family, I'll have help via the photos and documentation. I was relieved to hear that he had thought of doing the same thing himself.

My fear is that this lump in my throat is putting off a negative vibe, if you will, towards my dad's fiance. It may have been my over-sensitivity, but I felt a bit akward around her tonight for the first time.

I am truly, truly happy that my dad has fallen in love with this wonderful woman – I really am. I'm just scared. Terrified, really. And praying that this feeling will pass.