I am harboring guilt today … and it’s been eating away at me.

Long story, so bear with me and I’ll try not to go on and on. I know this couple that I will call Mike and Michelle. They are acquaintances that I met through a philanthropic group of which we are all members. Both of them are like finger nails on a chalk board to me, which is why they’ve remained acquaintances and have never crossed over in to the friendship bracket during the last five years I’ve known them.

Mike has the personality of an obnoxious used car salesman. He’s always trying to sell someone on his opinion, which is usually outlandish and stupid. Because of his personality, he has very few friends. I believe he is a good guy. Well, to be perfectly honest, I’m actually not sure I believe that. I won’t go in to the details of why, but I’ll just say it involves inappropriate use of money that does not belong to him.

His wife, Michelle, is a self-righteous bitch. I know it sounds harsh, but I have to call it as I – and many others – see it. She is very quick to judge, thinks she knows everything (like her husband), and wants everyone to follow the rules too.a.tee … except for her. And if she ever feels like something unfair has happened to her, or if she disagrees with how something has been handled (with regard to the philanthropic organization we belong to), she very quickly expresses her distaste. Last week at my monthly “Girls Poker Night” we actually – for the first time ever – spend quite a bit of time talking about Michelle and venting our feelings about her. One of the women shared a story with us … we recently underwent a change of our Board of Directors (philanthropic organization again) and less than a month in to their new term, Michelle wrote each of the new Board members, as well as the President and the VP, a letter telling them that she thought they were doing an awful job. After less than a month in their new jobs … WHAT? Unbelievable. Anyway …

So Mike and Michelle have been pregnant for the last nine plus months with their first child, a son. Yesterday afternoon I received an email from a mutual acquaintance informing me that just one week prior to the baby’s due date, he died in the womb.

I felt like a ton of bricks hit me in the face. Unbelievable guilt for having spoken so negatively about these people just last week. I feel so horrible for them and what they are going through. I could not even imagine the pain they are feeling. I can’t get them out of my mind.

My husband, who feels the same way, is going over to their house tomorrow with a group of guys to help finish a few jobs around the house and help put the baby things away so that when Michelle comes home from the hospital she won’t have to deal with all of that.  I plan on reaching out to her to offer comfort – probably more to try to make myself feel better about myself – but also because I feel it’s the right thing to do.

I was sharing my feelings of guilt with a girlfriend who said to me “Ya know, you wouldn’t wish this kind of thing on your worst enemy”. She right. Mike and Michelle are not enemies. They’re just not people that I’ve chosen to associate with due to the fact that our personalities, values, etc. don’t mesh. It doesn’t make them bad people necessarily, nor does it make me a bad person for feeling that way about them. Oh, but the guilt. It’s killin’ me over here … sigh.

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