Sometimes I think too much. Analyze too much. Question too much …

 

The Husband and I enjoy watching crime television. Not the Law & Order or CSI type shows, but the news shows about crimes  … 20/20, 48 Hours Mystery, Unsolved Mysteries, etc. We Tivo them all and watch them when time permits. Truly, it’s about the only type of television we agree on since he can’t stand any type of reality show, comedy or drama TV to which I am apparently addicted. It’s either a news-related type program such as those listed above, or it’s sports. Or news about sports. Preferably college football.

 

Often times I find myself thinking about the stories I hear long after I hear them. I am especially bothered by the ones about men, without any history of violence, who have killed someone. Men who are often described by friends and family as the “guy next door”.  I think about the parents of these men. How must they feel? Short of having your child murdered or kidnapped, what could be worse then the realization that your son grew up to be a murderer?

 

One of the stories I saw this weekend was about two teenagers – a boy and a girl – who killed a friend of theirs. Why? Because of jealousy. A senseless and grotesque murder that should never have happened. When the parents of the boy were interviewed, they showed photos of this boy growing up. If you pulled out one of my photo albums, you’d find the exact same type of photos there. Happy and well-loved, just like V. So what went wrong? And when? These parents were so obviously heart broken that I felt their pain. What in the world would I do if something like that happened to me?

 

We all have dreams for our children. Some of us have more specific dreams than others. But it’s likely safe to say that we want good for our children. My dream for my son is that he grow up to be a happy, well-balanced, contributing member of society. I’ve got to imagine the parents of the men in these stories wanted the same for their boys. I just can’t stop thinking about whether or not there were signs? Are the parents consumed with some kind of guilt? The what-if factor?

 

We live in such a scary world right now. It’s not a safe world and we, as parents, have our jobs cut out for us with all of the things from which we need to protect our children. The list is growing, I’m afraid. And sadly, if history is a predictor, things will only continue to get worse. It’s when I start thinking about this too much that I start to feel guilty – and self-centered – for even daring to bring a child in to such a messed-up world. But that’s a whole other post …

 

In the meantime, I need to quit thinking so much and, instead, help myself to another glass of wine and just chill!

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