Yes, this idea has been shamelessly ‘borrowed’ from this blog. Kris is brilliant, hysterical, creative, and worth your time. Go there now and read. After you read my post, that is.


J, had we married, we’d still be living in our armpit of a hometown. We likely would have eloped in Tahoe because my parents didn’t approve of you, and your parents were in no place to help pay for a wedding. We wouldn’t have had a honeymoon and – over twenty years later – we would still be living paycheck to paycheck. I would most certainly be the primary bread-winner, and would be on your ass to get a real job. We would have two children. A boy named Casey and a girl. We would have been in and out of couples counseling as we tried to figure out a way to get along, and I tried to figure out a way to deal with the alcoholism you turned to after finding your dear friend dead … a suicide. There would be bottles upon bottles of wine hidden in the dark crevices of our spare room closet. Red wine. Bottles I would pull out and consume in solitude – drowning my sorrows – while you were out with the boys drowning yours.


G, had we married, we would be living in a small but comfortable home that we would be renting somewhere about a half hour from the city. You’d tell me that we get more for our money out there. Our wedding would have been mostly my family since you don’t get along with yours. Intimate and simple. We would have a few children, who would adore the time they’d get to spend with their daddy when he’s off work during the summers. We wouldn’t buy new cars, but wouldn’t stop until we found the best damn used cars available. Our home would be full of hand-made treasures created in your workshop. We’d work hard not to fight in front of the kids because our fights could get loud. I would eventually tire of trying to build up your self confidence, which you so enormously lack. And after years of being made to feel inadequate in your attempt to make yourself feel better, I would tire of that too and walk out on you.


M, had we married, we would live in the nicest area of Palo Alto. Our wedding would have been in
Boston – probably in some private club somewhere that one of your MIT comrades belonged to. The wedding party would be big and our wedding album would be full of photos of your friends taking the corks from the wine, burning the ends, drawing mustaches on each other, and then tying napkins around their heads – like pirates. We would have three children, two boys and a girl. We would live the type of lifestyle many envy – and our friends would envy our relationship. I wouldn’t have to work. Or worry about money. We’d have a nanny, if we wanted one. Each day, I would desperately try to figure out how a seemingly perfect life could feel so empty. And each day, I would search for fulfillment from others. Since I’d have the money and the time to work out on a regular basis, I’d be thin and in great shape. I’d attract other men and would likely have an affair in an attempt to fill the void. The very large void.


B, had we married, our wedding would have most certainly been the party of the year. All these years later, people would still be talking about it. We would be living back east to be closer to your large family and although I love your family, I would miss mine terribly. We would have three children and live in a beautiful home. You would make me laugh every day. We would entertain regularly – most often at the last minute, with neighbors, a BBQ and plenty of wine. I would be obsessive about keeping the house in order because that’s how you like it – and I can be a slob. We would still argue about that damn fan. Why the fan, B? Why? Did I mention we’d laugh? A lot?