I am so tired of fighting with the Husband, I could just spit. I have so many feelings boiling up inside of me, I don’t even know how to begin to sort them out.

The Husband found my old blog, which is the reason for the new blog. He has been very, very upset about this – a post in which I wrote about ex-boyfriends. I had quite honestly never given a moment’s thought to what life would have been like has I married any of my exes, until I came across the post on another blog and thought it was a creative idea. Nothing more. But the Husband is obsessed with it.

On a DAILY basis I am now getting questioned about how often I think about my exes, do I contact them, send them birthday cards, etc. Daily. I am so baffled by his over-reaction that I can’t even see straight. Am I missing something? Please, please tell me if I am … other than the fact that the Husband lacks self-confidence, which is the obvious.

I swear to you, his reaction over that fucking post is more severe than my reaction when I found out he had an affair. And he will not let it die. It consumes him. We aren’t even talking at the moment, he’s so upset by it. We talked about it – and he asked me some very specific questions, to which I gave him honest answers. No, I do not keep in touch with any of them. No, I don’t want to contact them. No, I don’t really even think about them. They are part of my PAST. And he cannot understand that my past is my past, and it is a part of me. I can’t erase it. Nor do I want to. Why would I? I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for the experiences I’ve had in my past.

Barely a day passes that I don’t think about his affair. That I don’t think about the painful words he wrote about the other woman. But because I want to try to make this marriage work, I do not throw those words in his face. What good would that do? NONE! No good at all. I keep trying to get him to see that. I could, on a daily basis, throw his affair in his face like he’s throwing this post in my face. But why?

Is he hiding another affair? Is he tranferring his guilt? What the fuck is he doing? I am so tired of this BS I can barely see straight. I want to move forward and he keeps pushing us back.

The good news is that he’s agreed to counseling. Thank the Lord!

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