Two humpback whales have taken a wrong turn and are hanging out in my hood – the Sacramento River. Rescue efforts are under way to guide them back to safety. And since I feel like a whale right about now, I’d like to know when someone’s going to come and rescue me?

I’m bloated and irritated. Irritated at everyone and everything that is not jiving with my vibe at the moment. The stupid drivers, the executive assistant here at work, the whining that my child thinks will get him an extra five minutes before bed-time, all of it. Especially the executive assistant who thinks she’s an entitled bitch. Bitch, yes. Entitled, no. On my last nerve.

And why is it that I don’t remember feeling quite so bloated the last time I was pregnant? What’s this about? And when will it go away??