As I was pulling in to a parking spot at V’s pre-school this morning, I saw one of the mom’s getting out of her sparkling shiny Volvo SUV this morning. This mom is the mom of two children, a three and a half year old, and a three month old. I could tell because of the way she was dressed that today was her first day back to work after maternity leave. What struck me was how perfectly put together this woman looked. No sign of baby weight (bitch), fashionable attire sans wrinkles and spit-up, perfect hair. All that, and she was stepping out of a perfectly maintained, pristine in all its glory, Volvo SUV.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so frumpy in all of my life. And this pisses me off because I actually make an effort to look somewhat up-to-date, hip-and-now and not like “oh, she’s a mom now and no longer pays attention to herself” look that some mom’s tend to take on. But there I was, in all my frumpiness, getting out of my car that has pigeon poop all over it and enough crumbs on the floor of the back seat to serve tonight’s dinner. Frumpy and filthy.

What I need is a yard sale. Not just any yard sale, but the mother of all yard sales. The kind where if I haven’t touched it, looked at it or smelled it in a year, it’s out of here. Get rid of the clutter. Cut the crap. And make some cold hard cash in the process.

A yard sale and a car wash. For the love of God, someone needs to wash my car. If only I had the energy to do so myself. Now is the time I wish I were still living in the city and working in the dot-com era when car washers would come to your office and wash your car for you and you wouldn’t even have to move it. Loved that. Miss that. Miss the fluff and fold laundries too.

And a house cleaner. I swear to you I swiffer up enough dog hair to equal another dog every other day! And how sad is it that all through my college career and for years and years afterwards, I had a house cleaner – but now that I’m married, working and raising a child (read: busier than I’ve ever been), I don’t have a friggin’ house cleaner! Ah, how I miss the affordable house cleaners found so readily in the city. Affordable house cleaners and inexpensive pedicures. Miss them bad.

A yard sale, a car wash and a house cleaner and I think I’d be orgasmic. And although I might still feel the occasional frump, the filth would be gone!