The girls are getting on my nerves. I feel like they’re surrounding me – creeping up on me – doing their best to suffocate me. I can’t even get a decent night sleep thanks to them. Seriously.

Granted, it’s been four years since I was last pregnant and my memory isn’t what it used to be, but I seem to recall that I was much farther along in my pregnancy when sleeping became a problem and the only way I could get comfortable was to sleep on the sofa. It certainly didn’t begin as early as in my fourth month as it has now! Yes, my body is four years older. And yes it’s old, but wholly crap! If I’m this uncomfortable now, how the heck am I going to survive when I hit month seven? Or eight?

As I was desperately trying to find the one comfortable spot on the bed, and the one comfortable position in which I could stay long enough to fall asleep last night, it suddenly occurred to me why I was having such a problem. It’s the friggin’ girls. As in boobage. To my own dismay, they have decided to take on a life and identity of their own – bloggers, meet Anna Nicole and Dolly. Okay, not quite that big – but they might as well be because they are in my way constantly!!! Why would any woman with half a brain pay to have breasts this large? Seriously? They are not fun, people! They are a pain in my sleeping patterns!!

We are typically blessed with the Delta breeze in the evenings and the house cools down most nights. But not last night. I was tossing and turning, trying my damndest to sleep on my side and find a comfortable place to put my arms. I ended up on my left-hand side, with my left arm up under my pillow and my right arm resting over me on top of the pillow. Following me? Well, suddenly I felt all sweaty under my chin. Under my chin? What the hell? Why? Because the girls are so friggin’ high and mighty these days, that when I lay in that position, they sort of get squished under my chin! Ewwwwwwww!!
After being grossed out for a minute, I grabbed my pillow and headed for the sofa where I was able to lean my back against it for support, thus keeping the girls from coming anywhere near my chin. It’s just wrong people.