Every once in awhile I get an overwhelming feeling that something’s missing from my life. And then I immediately feel guilty and confused because I have such an amazingly blessed life so what on Earth could I be missing?

I’ll tell you exactly what I’m missing. A gay man. I am craving, almost painfully so, a close friendship with a gay man.

Back in middle school I became best friends with Buddy. We remained close throughout high school and a few years beyond and eventually lost touch. Buddy is gay. And we had the most amazingly special friendship unlike any I’ve ever had with women.

In college, there was Paul. Also gay, also amazing. Just like Buddy, Paul was interesting, outgoing, spontaneous, flamboyant in the best possible way, honest, and just plain fun. And like with Buddy, we lost touch not long after graduation.

When I moved to San Francisco, I was obviously in heaven and made many friends of all different lifestyles, gay and lesbian included. One of my closest friends there, Rick. Gay. I still keep in touch with Rick and love him dearly, but it’s just not the same now that I’m 90 miles away. We can no longer meet for coffee, for drinks, for dinner or whatever. And I miss him terribly.

My life has changed drastically since leaving SF and starting family – and although I’ve met a lot of people since moving here, most of them are married with children. And since I’m married with child(ren), it’s not like I can easily go out and meet new people. I find myself watching my son when he walks up to virtual strangers and asks them if they want to be his friend. Why can’t I do that? Probably because if I did, the person I ask would think I’m a loony and quickly run the other way.

In this day and age, I guess I could write a personal ad – Married woman seeks gay friendship – but some reason, I feel like who ever read my personal ad would think I’m a loony as well.

So here I sit, desperately missing the benefits of friendships with a gay man. And unless one knocks on my door and asks me to be his BFF, I just don’t see it happening for me any time soon. And that makes me a little bit sad.

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