I feel sick to my stomach. My tummy is in knots. I am mad. Disappointed. And mostly sad.
The fallout from the psychotic woman from the softball team has hit me hard. I am mad at myself for getting so upset over this. The woman doesn’t deserve a moment’s though. I’m disappointed with how things turned out considering we’re supposed to be adults. And I am sad because it has affected a third-party friend who has not been involved in this at all.
Lisa and I have been close friends for over ten years now. She threw me a baby shower when I was pregnant with V. We take at least one “girls weekend” trip together every year. We’ve taken vacations together and have been out of the country together. And we’ve been there for each other during both good and bad times.
Lisa is good friends with psycho-softball woman. Their friendship is only a few years old, but they hang out quite often. Certainly more often than I see Lisa these days. Lisa’s also getting married in three months – and I am throwing her a bridal shower – and guess who’s on the guest list?
As a result of the final email received from psycho-softball woman, I’ve had an uneasy feeling all day. The I-need-to-watch-my-back-and-check-my-car kind of feeling. This woman is so unstable that I’m actually afraid she might try to do something above and beyond the horrible emails. I’m not afraid for my life or anything, just more along the lines of getting the cars keyed, tires slashed, spray paint on the house kind of thing. Being that two other people on our softball team have called me today and told me to watch my back, I’m certainly not the only person who thinks she’s unstable. And I’m not sure if it’s just the shock of it all that has driven me there, but I spent the afternoon researching how to attain a restraining order.
Begrudgingly, I had to tell Lisa today that I don’t feel comfortable around this woman and, knowing that Lisa is having another shower thrown for her, I asked her if there was any way she could invite the woman to that shower instead of the one I was throwing. Lisa’s reaction was not a good one. She’s pissed. And this afternoon she sent an email to both the woman and I telling us she wants us to work this out and come to some kind of common ground as she refuses to pick between friends.
The problem is, no matter how good of a friend Lisa is, I am not willing to talk to this woman ever again. She’s lost her mind and is clearly unstable. She crossed the line. And although I know I would easily be able to stay away from her if we were to find ourselves in a group situation (ie: a wedding), I do not for one moment trust how she would behave towards me and my family.
So I told Lisa today that I was pulling myself out of the shower and wedding festivities. I do not want her to have to choose between her friends, yet I am not willing to compromise over what is right and so very, very wrong here. And this woman is the one who is so very, very wrong. I have a great degree of sadness because in all likelihood this will negatively affect my friendship with Lisa, possibly ending it. I knew that before telling this to Lisa. But I just cannot budge.
It’s such a damn shame. I’m tearing up thinking about it because my family and I did nothing, NOTHING, to warrant these viscous verbal attacks from that woman. Yet I find myself in a situation where I am at risk of losing something I value – Lisa’s friendship. Why does it feel like I’m the one being punished? I did nothing to deserve this and it outright sucks.
Mean and evil people are the one’s who should suffer the losses in life. Yet this mean and evil woman will attend Lisa’s shower, Lisa’s wedding, and retain Lisa’s friendship. I am so very, very sad.
UPDATE: I received a call from Lisa this evening. She asked for my side of the story, which I shared with her. She then said she didn’t want me throwing her a shower and that everyone on the invite list, except for psycho-woman and myself – would be invited to the other shower that’s being thrown for her. As of now, she’s thinking that she’ll invite neither me or this other woman to the wedding reception because she doesn’t want one of us invited and not the other. She may change her mind on that, she tells me.
This is what I get after ten years of friendship? For doing absolutely nothing wrong? Wow. That stings. Guess she wasn’t as close of a friend as I had thought. My bad.
July 24, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Aww…I want to hug you. And your pregnant! The emotions are high. Please try NOT too stress out too much. But you know? I am hoping that Lisa will see the ‘other’ side, that she see the friendship that you 2 share – I’m hopeful she will. Just allow her to be for the moment. As for the ‘other’ one, I feel you should not exert any such effort thinking about it, I don’t think it’s worth it.
{{hugs}}
July 25, 2007 at 4:08 am
Crap. I’m so sorry.
What a whack job!
July 25, 2007 at 4:34 am
I’m so sorry to hear this CC. Hugs.
Perhaps you should tell Lisa some of the things you told us here — how you value her friendship so much and can’t imagine losing it. But then again, perhaps you already did, and she reacted as she did regardless. 😦
July 25, 2007 at 6:45 am
Lisa is obviously torn and since she wasn’t involved in the argument, her views of it will be skewed as I’m sure psycho has twisted it all to appear the victim.
I imagine at this point, Lisa just doesn’t want drama at the showers or the reception. She may be hoping you and psycho work things out; otherwise, she’ll deal with it all after the wedding festivities.
I’m sorry you are so torn up over all this! Don’t write off your friendship just yet. My husband had a similar issue with two friends of 10+ years and had written them both off. The true friend and he have since reconciled. The other can go eff himself 🙂
July 25, 2007 at 9:58 am
Whoa, what a nut job. Glad she’s off the team but so sorry about your friend. That part really blows! Hopefully after your friend gets through all the stress of the wedding she’ll realize what a friends she has in you and will want to work things out.
July 25, 2007 at 11:05 am
Wow! This is an incredible saga. I don’t blame Lisa for not wanting to be in the middle, but surely she can see how crazy this whole thing sounds. I’m on your side!
July 25, 2007 at 5:41 pm
well, that’s kind of sick. Because you gotta wonder, what the psycho lady is telling your friend Lisa, to somehow have Lisa not freak out by what happened to you and your husband by freako lady. And not invited you both or just you. Because really, psycho lady is psycho. Maybe Lisa is scared psycho lady will cause a scene at the events.
July 25, 2007 at 9:26 pm
um, how does Lisa possibly defend behavior like that from her ‘friend’? I’m sure Lisa is stressed, but this woman is full of red flags and freaky, unstable behavior. I hope she sees the light and figures out that you’re the normal and true friend.
=0(
Hang in there, Sugar. This is the last kind of stress you need being pregnant!! BUt, don’t worry….I’m having a glass of wine for you. =) I’m a giver.
July 26, 2007 at 3:49 pm
I can not believe the nerve of this woman and I’m sorry that it results in your friend choosing neither of you. I don’t know Lisa, but it’s hard to imagine her siding with someone so angry and violent all the time.
This…plain sucks and I wish I could reach across cyberspace and hug you!
July 27, 2007 at 11:57 am
What I don’t understand is why Lisa can’t see the things about this woman that you and others obviously see. It’s just not fair.
Not that I think you should because it is under handed and stooping to psycho-chic’s level, but have you shown Lisa the emails and message board stuff that started this whole mess?