Wow. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted … and it’s been a long time since I’ve read any of my favorite blogs. Of those I have on my google reader, I have nearly 800 posts I’ve not yet read! Eee gads!!

First things first … why. Why have I seemingly disappeared off the face of the blog-o-sphere? One word … pregnancy. It’s been a real bitch for me, people. It’s all I can do to get through a day without losing my mind. Between the “complications” of this pregnancy, trying to get work in order so that I can be out of the office for 4 months, and chasing after a very energetic almost four year old, I’m drowning.

Oh, and the guilt. Perhaps it’s the hormones, but the guilt is sometimes crippling. I’m pregnant. I’m creating life. I should be glowing, excited, unbelievably happy, grateful, feeling oh-so-blessed.

NOT. Hence, the guilt.

I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I’m “advanced maternal age”, but this pregnancy is kicking my ass. I recall not exactly enjoying being pregnant the first time around, but this is so much worse. I should start by explaining that all is going well with the baby as of now. It’s me and the fact that I seem to be falling apart.

I have cholestasis – which is pregnancy-induced liver disease. Lucky me. First the good news:
– with ongoing monitoring, the baby should be fine
– I will deliver early
– my liver will return to normal after giving birth

And the bad news?
– there’s nothing that can be done about it
– I have an all-over body itch that is present all day, every day and is driving me insane. It’s an itch that comes from inside, so it’s not like I can use a lotion or take a bath or do anything to relieve it. The ONLY thing that provides a bit of relief is Benadryl. Which makes me sleepy – and which I haven’t been able to take in the last few days because my blood pressure has started to rise.

Add the feelings of guilt to the ever-present, overwhelmingly annoying body itch, and you’ve got one depressed Mama G.

Hence my disappearance.

I will return eventually – to both posting here and commenting on all of your blogs as well! In the meantime, have a fabulous holiday season with you and yours …

Cheers!

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