One thing I always harp on The Husband about is trying to learn from his mistakes, admit when he’s wrong, see things from the viewpoint of others. All along, I guess I’ve had sort of an “do-as-I-do” air about me. As if I’m such a pro at learning from my mistakes or admitting when I’m wrong.

My relationships with others, I have noticed, seem to have gotten more difficult in the last few years. On the whole, I have a large group of friends and because of a community project I’m working on, the group of people with whom I “hang out” with has grown even more in the past few years.

Here I am, months away from 43 years old, and I’m just learning things about myself. Personality quirks of which I’m not a big fan. I don’t think they’ve been present my whole life … but maybe they have?

Today I saw a side of myself that I didn’t like at all. A controlling side of myself. I wanted control over something that, in the grand scheme of things, was no big deal. But I wouldn’t let it go. I grabbed on, held tight, and refused to let go.

Once I sat back, tried looking at the situation from another point of view, I was ashamed of my behavior. Two apologies later, all is fine with the people I “attacked” but I still feel like shit.

Not liking myself is not fun. But as I said, I’m still learning.

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