One thing I always harp on The Husband about is trying to learn from his mistakes, admit when he’s wrong, see things from the viewpoint of others. All along, I guess I’ve had sort of an “do-as-I-do” air about me. As if I’m such a pro at learning from my mistakes or admitting when I’m wrong.
My relationships with others, I have noticed, seem to have gotten more difficult in the last few years. On the whole, I have a large group of friends and because of a community project I’m working on, the group of people with whom I “hang out” with has grown even more in the past few years.
Here I am, months away from 43 years old, and I’m just learning things about myself. Personality quirks of which I’m not a big fan. I don’t think they’ve been present my whole life … but maybe they have?
Today I saw a side of myself that I didn’t like at all. A controlling side of myself. I wanted control over something that, in the grand scheme of things, was no big deal. But I wouldn’t let it go. I grabbed on, held tight, and refused to let go.
Once I sat back, tried looking at the situation from another point of view, I was ashamed of my behavior. Two apologies later, all is fine with the people I “attacked” but I still feel like shit.
Not liking myself is not fun. But as I said, I’m still learning.
May 6, 2009 at 12:11 am
I’m so glad you’re back Mama G.
Well, we never really stop learning–that’s what makes us better people. What’s important is that we do learn.
And yeah, I’ve felt that so many times. A “need” to “fight for what I believe in” feeling is what I call it even if a lot of times I know I should just let it go because it just takes so much energy and effort on my part leaving me so frustrated and tired afterwards.
May 6, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Don’t beat yourself up too much over this. I’m pretty sure the learning never ends. We find ourselves in new and unique situations all the time. Those situations allow us to see a different side of ourselves. It’s good you do recognize this about yourself, but don’t dwell too much on it.