Beauty. Each of us has our own definition of it and what makes one beautiful. We often hear arguments that the media, television and movies dictates and defines “beautiful” for us. Whether you prefer Julia Roberts, Halle Barry, or Nicole Kidman it doesn’t matter. All three are thin and “beautiful”.
Since becoming a mom and watching my son grow, learn and develop I have been absolutely fascinated watching his “boyisms” develop. Whether it’s his obsession with baseball and trucks, or his fascination with dinosaurs and rocket ships, it seems he has neatly settled in to his role as a boy. About a year ago a girlfriend came over with her daughter who is three months older than V. We were all out in the backyard, sipping wine and listening to music while the kids played. I remember her daughter coming up to ask her mommy why V likes to throw things. “Because he’s a boy”, her mom replied. I was struck by that question and started asking my girlfriend questions. Does her daughter ever play catch? What kinds of things does she like to do? Typical little girl things, she replied. Dolls, stuffed animals, etc.
I find myself thinking about this quite a bit. Are boys and girls – and what they enjoy – a product of their environment? Just as society’s supposed definition of beauty is a product of what is fed to us? Of course they are on some level – but how much? Am I feeding my son “boy” things intentionally? He does have a basket full of stuffed animals that somehow appeared in our home (I hate stuffed animals, but I’ll save that for some other post) and he even has a few dolls, such as his Elmo doll. Every once in a blue moon he’ll pick one of them up and play with them – but given the choice, he goes for the traditional toys marketed to boys nine and a half times out of ten.
This past weekend I was sitting on the sofa next to V. He was flipping through one of his favorite books while I was flipping through a magazine. One one of the pages in the magazine there was an advertisement for shampoo. It featured a brunette with long, flowing, hair with loose curls. When V saw the picture, he looked at me and said “Her’s beautiful!” “Yes, she is. What about mommy?” I replied. I was completely curious what he’d say.
“You’re cool, mommy!”
Geez, thanks kid. I think.
So at three years old the kid already has a definite opinion of what he considers to be beautiful. The model is beautiful. Mom is cool. Although I agree with him on his assessment, I am curious about how he developed this conclusion. Where did it come from? What is it about the woman in the ad that is beautiful to him? And how is it that he picked the cutest girl in pre-school to claim as his girlfriend? Was it based on her looks? Or something else? I’m simply fascinated – even though I’m sure I’ll never know the answers, I am truly fascinated with how this kid is developing, growing, and formulating his own little opinions. So, so much fun to witness!
February 26, 2007 at 6:05 pm
The Mayor already likes blonde women. Already!
February 27, 2007 at 4:36 am
My daughter is a boy. She loves trucks, cars, diggers, scoopers, trains, buses…she plays ‘basketball’ and ‘baseball’…Most of the time.
She does love ballet (how could she not) and loves to pretend she is a ballerina…that’s really the only ‘girl’ thing I see her do…
Oh! Wait, that and throw a mean tantrum and cry over the drop of a hat…Yeah, that too.
February 27, 2007 at 7:25 am
love that feeling!
so when he turns 4, will he stop calling you cool?
or will he wait until he is six?
February 27, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Just found your blog via JoeFlirt and I really identified with your post about Let’s Get Honest, especially the part about not having friends anymore. Until I met my X, I had lots of friends but then I moved to FL and just lost touch and now it is like I don’t know how to make friends anymore.
Anyways, I really enjoy your writing.
February 27, 2007 at 4:17 pm
My 5 yearl old tells me that I am pretty only when I have lipstick on…hmmm, too much TV perhaps?
And yes, my boy loves all toy’s for boys. Once he stumbled upon a barbie doll of his cousin, he took Barbie by the edge of her hair and carried it over to the toy basket as if Barbie was something weird.
February 28, 2007 at 12:04 pm
It is good to hear this from a mom of a boy. We have girls, and think they are not ‘typical’ girls, in that my oldest doesn’t like Barbie, refuses to look at Bratz…prefers x-box, puzzles and trampolines to most things girly. My youngest hasn’t really decided, at almost 3 she likes dolls and trains equally and asked me why we don’t have more trucks around the house.
I think society does everything possible to put us in gender categories and we as parents have to do a lot to keep that from happening.
February 28, 2007 at 1:42 pm
I think it is partially society but a friend of mine who’s son is the same age as my daughter have watched in the last nearly two years they’ve been friends (they are both about to be three) they have each drifted in different directions of play when together.
He is ALL about trains, trucks, cars, noises. She is ALL about her “babies”, dressing up, and pretend cooking. Bella has a dump truck that she fills with dolls. She has an easel that she draws her version of flowers on all day.
I too have been fascinated with this subject. Some girls and boys just naturally drift towards what society has deemed gender specific. I hope Bella always maintains her love of climbing though!
March 1, 2007 at 3:39 pm
I think the behavioral differences between boys and girls is innate, but that our treatment of them does resonate with that and the magnifies it. So, in a sense, we feed on those innate differences by treating them differently. But I don’t believe someone decided (across all cultures) that x,y,z is what a boy would do and 1,2,3 is what a girl would do. That’s just crazy to believe that this was decided upon and ‘stuck’ for millenia across the entire world.
Read “Brain Sex”, a wonderful book which explores this very topic. It convinced me that it’s innate.
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